Corresponding YouTube video for this post is available here.
Back when I was young and naïve, so about a year ago, I wrote a post called Does Kink Belong at Pride?
I say young and naïve because when I first heard the question, I totally thought the complaint was about cisgendered and heterosexual kinksters claiming Pride as theirs without having a queer identity, which wasn’t happening and not the case. Because what else could the question “does kink belong at Pride” mean? Sure, I realized that people were complaining about something else and addressed that too in the post, but I genuinely thought, “So many people can’t actually be this obnoxious and try to kick out queer kinksters, right?”
Yet here we go again, and it’s only April. So, I’ll say it louder for the people in the back. KINK BELONGS AT PRIDE.
When people are saying that kink doesn’t belong at Pride, they’re not even talking about people demonstrating actual kink scenes or doing kinky acts. They’re just talking about some gay guy wearing a leather harness, or someone wearing a puppy hood. That’s really what all the pearl clutching is about. I’d understand if there was a mass explosion of kinksters performing flogging scenes on naked participants and ripping clamps off nipples in public, but that’s simply not happening. Nudity is restricted to 18+ areas and kinksters know not to perform scenes where it’s not welcome. Walking around wearing leather is not performing a kink scene. It’s celebrating its existence. Kinda like how wearing wedding rings with a gay partner is not performing gay sex in public.
The kink community has been a part of Pride since the beginning and saying, “Thanks for the help, but we got the support, mainstream recognition, and corporate sponsorship we want. So now you have to go hide back in the closet because the cis-straights and Coca-Cola don’t think you’re respectable enough” to any group in the queer community is a slap in the face.
The pink line in many versions of the Pride flag represents sexuality. Kink is a part of sexuality for many people (though not all kink is sexual and there are asexuals who enjoy kink). Therefore, Pride is a place to be proud of sexuality and be proud of kink. Pride doesn’t exist to make people comfortable. It’s not “We’re here, we’re queer, sorry for the inconvenience. We’ll try to temper our existence to fit a mold that’ll be more palatable for you to accept us.” It’s “We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it.”
So get used to it.
And enough with this “BUT THINK OF THE CHILDREN” nonsense. A bit of leather or a puppy hood isn’t any weirder than a speedo/bikini on the beach or a sexy cat on Halloween. The only ones making it weird are the puritans trying to enforce a dress code. What next, if a femme presenting person’s skirt doesn’t go to their knees, do they get sent home from Pride with a note from the Pride principle? If you have a visible bra strap, do you have to wear an oversized PE shirt from the lost and found to show everyone your shame, lest someone think that a person with breasts might be wearing a bra? [gasp]
If you don’t like what someone is wearing, don’t look. End of discussion.
Get over yourselves. If kink isn’t your thing, don’t wear kink leather to Pride. Kinda like if you’re not gay, you don’t have to get gay married. But someone getting gay married and wearing wedding rings with their partner or someone kinky wearing a BDSM collar is not an assault on anyone. It’s just existing.
And don’t you dare try to police other people’s existence. That isn’t Pride. We’re better than that.
If you enjoyed this post, give a like and follow for more content, and leave a comment with your thoughts. But do keep in mind that I have very little tolerance for anyone being hateful towards queers or kinksters.
Be sure to check me out on Twitter at @EternalEvelyn, YouTube, or Facebook and stay tuned for information on my upcoming paranormal romance novel, The Bloodline Chronicles! Subscribe to my newsletter to keep up with new developments here.
Linktree assorted social media available here.