Bisexual Discourse

On Twitter recently, there was a blow up of “bi discourse” because a bi writer who’d written a sapphic book was rejected by a gay agent for the expressed reason that she is married to a man. Since this happened, I’ve been seeing so much bi pride and bi phobia that it’s giving me whiplash, and I feel the need to write about my experience as a bi woman, since it seems to happen every so often and every time the same topics come up. If you’d like to listen instead of read, you can catch my YouTube video of this blog post here.

Image is the words “You are valid” over a bi pride flag

First of all, stop with the #@%$ing oppression Olympics. Hopping online to complain that bi people being denied professional opportunities and excluded from the queer community shouldn’t complain because “hey, how cool, people think you’re straight, roll with that privilege” is not the hot take you think it is. Yes, it is true, most bi people in relationships that present as straight do not have to worry about being randomly attacked by bigots in the streets. That is true. We’re not trying to say that we’re being assaulted for existing the way that others in the queer community are. Honestly, yeah, being able to be more subtly queer has its perks, and I’ve never experienced discrimination or oppression for being visibly queer (though part of that has to do with living in a slightly more progressive area of south Florida, surrounding myself with like-minded people, and being an introvert who never leaves the house – I have been on queer dates publicly, just never encountered any issues). It’s nice not to worry about, not gonna lie.

Image is of Big Bird from Sesame Street on the phone, with the text, “The call is coming from inside the house.”

But does that mean there’s no problems? That bisexual people don’t experience discrimination at all? Queers, I hate to tell you but, THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE.

This is not about transphobia, homophobia, racism, or violence or all those horrible issues. Those issues need to be talked about, absolutely, and I will shout about those causes just as loudly, but seeing someone literally being discriminated against for being bisexual and saying, “Yeah, but what about [insert different group that gets discriminated against in other ways]-” is a way to try to make someone shut up about an actual problem without doing the work to address it.

It kinda reminds me of when you’re a little kid and you trip and get hurt. You’ve got a cut on your knee, it hurts a lot, it’s bleeding, and some teacher or parent says, “Oh, it’s not that bad, it’s not like your leg is broken.” Just because someone else has a broken leg and needs a cast doesn’t mean you don’t still need a Band-Aid and disinfectant on your knee. Festering infection is not good for your body.

Just because visibly queer people deal with a different level of hardship doesn’t mean that bisexuals are fine. Imagine you went to get medicine for a flu from the doctor and they told you to shut up and go home because someone else has cancer? Like, okay, yes, treat the cancer, but also give out medicine for the flu?

Getting straight passing privilege when you’re not straight doesn’t feel good. It makes you feel hollow and invisible. Like you’re not allowed to exist, you have to ‘pick a side’ and graduate into an identity that isn’t yours because it’s more convenient for those around you. It’s not that we want to be oppressed or have some claim to discrimination for clout. That’s not it. We just want to be accepted for who we actually are. We want to not experience any hardship while also being accepted. I think that’s a pretty relatable desire.

Image is of a button pin of the bi pride flag that reads “Still Bisexual”

I’m too gay for the straights and I’m too straight for the gays. I’m somehow in both worlds but not really in either and it leaves me fumbling for the middle ground, trying to prove my identity all the time. Being openly polyamorous is helpful here because, hey, just because I am married to a man doesn’t mean I’m not still able to date women, so I can prance around town with a girl on my arm if I want, assuming I can get a date and am willing to prance. But not all bisexuals are promiscuous polyamorous people like me and you can’t expect them to constantly be proving over and over that they are who they say they are.

And when someone is upset that they’ve been denied access to queer spaces and opportunities, despite being a member of the queer community, because a fellow queer has decided they’re too straight… that’s not good. That shouldn’t happen. And until it stops happening, we’re not going to stop saying that it’s wrong.

Bisexuals are here. We’re queer. Get the f*ck used to it already cause we’re getting really tired of biphobic bullsh*t.

If you enjoyed this post, give a like and follow for more content. Be sure to check me out on Twitter at @EternalEvelynYouTube, or Facebook and stay tuned for information on my upcoming paranormal romance novel, The Bloodline ChroniclesSubscribe to my newsletter to keep up with new developments here.

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Image is a cartoon version of me, Evelyn Silver, holding a wine glass of suspiciously red liquid.

I never drink… wine.

7 thoughts on “Bisexual Discourse

  1. And when someone is upset that they’ve been denied access to queer spaces and opportunities, despite being a member of the queer community, because a fellow queer has decided they’re too straight… that’s not good. That shouldn’t happen. And until it stops happening, we’re not going to stop saying that it’s wrong. ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I couldn’t have said this better myself. We are here. We have been here all along. Deal with it. I’ve had people demand that I prove that I’m bisexual… and they weren’t so keen about how I could prove it to them. Sheesh. I got exposed to this nonsense way back in the mid-1960s so to me, this is just more of the same dumb stuff that, at some point, you just learn not to let get you upset: It’s not your fault as a bisexual that people are both stupid and fearful. As a bisexual man, jeez, I got so tired of people trying to insist that I’m really gay and gay people insisting that I should be gay like they are. But I’d point out to them that my sexuality didn’t seem to bother them when we were getting naked and sweaty.

    Such people need to get a life… and stop trying to mess with bisexuals. We aren’t going anywhere.

    Liked by 1 person

    • For real! How am I supposed to prove it anyway? Because even if I’m actively doing something romantic or sexual with another woman, lesbians accuse me of just acting to get attention from straight men. So even if I’m being visibly queer, because I like guys too, I must be straight? It’s ridiculous. Lately I’ve had more bi and pan people in my circles and it’s been such a relief interacting with them. I feel like I don’t have to pull out some sort of score card to prove my sexuality because they all get it. Can just be authentic.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Haters will always hate. Always figured some who’d say that to another woman is just mad because no one is paying them any attention. Still, none of that crap is our problem as bisexuals and I won’t allow them to foist their ignorance upon me. They need to grow up.

        Liked by 1 person

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